Yes, I’ve been absent since April 4th. You can also expect my posting frequency to be about the same aka only when something is bothering me and I need to let some steam off. Sorry I guess, updating this blog hasn’t been number one on my list of priorities.
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| This image is 100% accurate. |
That being said, I felt inclined to share a disturbing
thought I has while in a neuroanatomy lecture today: I relate a lot more to
engineering student that I do to med students.
What prompted this thought? I dunno. It’s been a rough week
and a half and it’s been completely school unrelated.
I just don’t relate to the majority of med students (here in
Erie, but I’ll keep just saying med students). Straight up. I find most of them….childish.
Concerned about what others think about them or trying to be friends with
everybody or bitching about the amount of work or having to learn new material.
It’s like fucking high school and it makes me want to vomit.
What that fuck do you think medical school is???? It’s
work!!!! Awesome, great work about learning new things concerning the human
body. “But that subject is hard!” they say. “I fucking know, welcome to real
life. Why did you come here? Because it was going to be easy?”
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| This came up when I tried to find a relevant picture. It describes how I feel when I enter LECOM |
On top of that, a lot of students here just lack common
sense or a logical thought process when it comes to PBL cases. I know this is
an engineering thought and mentality, but goddamn, I fear that some people won’t
be able to look at test results and interpret what it means.
I think it comes down to one person here, who happens to be
in my PBL group and I think is poison. I think she’s smart (maybe?) since she
survived first semester and has a master’s in medical genetics, but she’s 29
years old and I can’t believe how childish she is.
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| First image googling childish. I lol-ed |
We have to critique other group members about their
performance on the previous case, and I told her that if she felt lost on cases
(which she admitted to our facilitator about 2 minutes for I critiqued her),
she should participate more in giving differentials and lab test to disprove
those differentials so maybe she won’t feel lost. I admit, my choice of words was
pretty poor, but instead of accepting/denying my criticism, she silently flips
a FUCK and proceeds to be mad at me. Normally, I don’t give a flying shit, but
the problem is that this girl is the center piece of most of the girls in PBL.
She’s this blonde, Sothern, “nice” girl that I think plays dumb and innocent to
have people help her out because that just what she grew up with. I also think
that she is used to having guys go head-over-tail to help her in every way
possible and go out of their way to please her, but you know me: no fucks given.
I don’t give a shit if you have a pretty face and smile and are a sweet
southern girl. I bet it annoys her to no end.
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This level annoying
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It’s not to say I refuse to help her; in fact, 90% of our
interactions start with her saying: “Can you help me?” and I have no problem
with helping her academically. (The other 10% is “Do you hate me Andy?” to
which I reply “No, I just don’t emote. Get over it.”)
So what did I do with regards to the present situation? I
knew she would come talk to me and say that I bothered her with my critique, so
I prepared my apology in advance. When she did come talk to me a few days later
(most people are predictable), I apologized for my delivery (not the content,
but I didn’t tell her that). I thought it better not to ostracize all the girls
in PBL so early in medical school.
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Future me, but without the lame expression and paper holding. I have a backpack for that shit
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I’m still not sure how I feel about this move. I’m a blunt
person, but I don’t consider myself malicious. Am I playing a part? Am I a bad
person for not telling this girl that I’m not sure she should be a doctor and
the only real reason I apologized to her was to ease my future group
interactions?
I think one of my favorite parts of this is that on the round
of critiques, one of the guys (who I found out is one of those guys who will do
anything for the “popular” group of girls) said to the group that we should be
more sensitive in our critiques, and seeing how I’m the only one who critiques
people in areas of improvement anyways, I couldn’t help but smile. I just
wanted to look at him and say, “Just tell that to me man; don’t hide by
addressing the group.”
Then today, there was just a lot of underlying tension and
cattiness towards other people in the group. I think I’m in the clear, but I
might jump right back in the shit hole by telling the group that their high
school-esque drama shouldn’t be a part of the PBL room. Act like fucking
adults. You’re going to be doctors one day; you think other doctors or your
superiors give a shit about hissy fits you’re having with coworkers? The
patient is your main priority, not something someone said this one time that
made you real mad at them for like a week.
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| THIS |
Fuck man, I’m 22; the average age here is 26 (I’m one of the
youngest student, for sure the youngest in my current group), and I’M pissed about the behavior.
Maybe I’m just homesick. Maybe I just miss my friends and
family. Maybe I miss people who understand that just because I’m not smiling or
declaring my never-ending love and happiness that OMFG YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND
FOREVER AFTER A SEMESTER OF MEDICAL SCHOOL doesn’t mean I hate you or anything
like that; I’m just not one to emote. I’m not one to choose friends casually. Why
I am required to be best friends with every person I meet in medical school? Or
life? Some people just don’t click; get the fuck over it.
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Irrelevant? Eh, I love this picture anyways
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Or maybe I’m the real asshole here. Maybe I’ve become to
prototypical, arrogant, piece of shit med student who looks down on others
because they don’t think the way I do or read as fast or comprehend as quickly.
Is this what medical school has done to me? Or rather, what I’ve let medical
school do to me?
I don’t have the answer; currently that means I should start
flipping through every textbook I own to try and find one.
This is one that I think only time will reveal the truth.
