As childish as it may seem, every time I look at the clock and I see that it’s 11:11, I do make a wish. Today though, I had to pause and think about it.
For the past few months, EVERY 11:11 I saw, I wished the same thing: Please let me get into medical school. And now I am. That was my ultimate desire at the time, the only thing on my mind, so it was easy to come up with a wish.
For the past week, I’ve been wishing that my uncle and cousins have enough strength to get through my aunt’s imminent passing with terminal cancer. I wished my mom to help out as much as she can while she is in Japan for an indeterminate amount of time. I wished that death was easier to deal with and that one day, no one has to hear the word “terminal” outside of the airport.
After reading my mom’s e-mail that my aunt is unlikely to make it through the weekend, I wished that much harder today. But I selfishly paused, and thought, “What would I wish for now if it were different circumstances?”
And I didn’t know. Happiness? Companionship? A time machine to get through these next few weeks? Is what you wish for at 11:11 the main thing on your mind?
Honestly, I still don’t know, but I do know that feeling helpless to help a loved one is a shitty, and the feeling like I am trapped in Pittsburgh only makes it worse.
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