Friday, March 1, 2013
Study break
Friday, January 11, 2013
2012 Wrap Up
Friday, December 21, 2012
Anonymous letter reply from MLI
It wasn't that blunt or said with just monotony, but that was pretty much the highlight. Play by play post later? Probably not. Time to enjoy home and move on to the next one.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Anonymous letter: to MLI
"I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can." -Holden Caulfield
Monday, April 23, 2012
Mind, body, and Shenanigans
- The body is a unit: mind, body, and spirit.
- The body possesses self-regulatory mechanisms, having the inherent capacity to defend, repair, and remodel itself.
- Structure and function are reciprocally inter-related.
- Rational therapy is based on consideration of the first three principles
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Time heals all wounds or wounds all heels?
![]() |
| This image is 100% accurate. |
![]() |
| This came up when I tried to find a relevant picture. It describes how I feel when I enter LECOM |
![]() |
| First image googling childish. I lol-ed |
![]() |
This level annoying
|
![]() |
Future me, but without the lame expression and paper holding. I have a backpack for that shit
|
| THIS |
![]() |
Irrelevant? Eh, I love this picture anyways
|
Monday, April 4, 2011
Like Emotional Origamy
Let the truth be known that men are nothing more than emotional skyscrapers,
Built with glass infrastructures, spray painted the color of steel and nicknamed "Strength"
Strange, isn't it?
What walking contradictions are we called men...
Men are taught to colonize at the age of 5 through games like cops and robbers, cowboys and indians
At the age of 8 we are given helmets and told to hit each other on the head with it,
Bleed but do not bleed,
Cut but do not cry,
Be a man, join the military,
Die for your country, and if death comes to you,
Look it in the eye and say:
Bring it on, mother-fucker, I fear nothing but intimacy.
When it comes to intimacy men quiver like fault lines, crumble like cities
What walking contradictions are we called men...
Men, take note, this is how you give love,
This is how you receive hugs.
Press flesh to flesh till breast crumple,
Like emotional origami.
-Mark Gonzales, As with Most Men
Maybe that my form of emotional conversation.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wish Upon a Clock
As childish as it may seem, every time I look at the clock and I see that it’s 11:11, I do make a wish. Today though, I had to pause and think about it.
For the past few months, EVERY 11:11 I saw, I wished the same thing: Please let me get into medical school. And now I am. That was my ultimate desire at the time, the only thing on my mind, so it was easy to come up with a wish.
For the past week, I’ve been wishing that my uncle and cousins have enough strength to get through my aunt’s imminent passing with terminal cancer. I wished my mom to help out as much as she can while she is in Japan for an indeterminate amount of time. I wished that death was easier to deal with and that one day, no one has to hear the word “terminal” outside of the airport.
After reading my mom’s e-mail that my aunt is unlikely to make it through the weekend, I wished that much harder today. But I selfishly paused, and thought, “What would I wish for now if it were different circumstances?”
And I didn’t know. Happiness? Companionship? A time machine to get through these next few weeks? Is what you wish for at 11:11 the main thing on your mind?
Honestly, I still don’t know, but I do know that feeling helpless to help a loved one is a shitty, and the feeling like I am trapped in Pittsburgh only makes it worse.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Interview and life
It was a group interview with six total people. There were 2 undergraduates, the rest had been out of school from 1-6 years, one with masters in forensic science and the others doing lab work. First question was introducing yourself, blah blah. Then the rest of the interview was more of a discussion, so forgive if it seems unorganized, because that’s how the interview felt.
During introductions, one girl mentioned that she thought preventative care was the next step in medicine due to the healthcare bill. So the “bad cop” interviewer asked her if primary care physician should be reimbursed for preventative care (exercise, proper diet, don’t do drugs, etc.) compared with a doctor who orders 10 test and get reimbursed for them all. For those of you unfamiliar with the scandalous nature of medicine, if a doctor orders a $100 test, they can tell the government to reimburse them for $200. Yes, that was an awful example but that is how it works.
Anyways, she rambled for awhile about being an idealist and in an ideal world, doctors could be reimbursed for said preventative care. I, trying to give my opinion and distinguish myself as you are supposed to do in interviews, said that 1) patient compliance would be a huge issue and 2) how do you quantify preventative care. If you tell someone to stop smoking, the most common response is “you can’t tell me what to do,” so how could you get anyone to actually follow your advice? On top of that, how can we quantify preventative care? We can see the results of 10 tests, but not 10 pieces of advice.
Then we progressed onto “is healthcare a right or a privilege?” I said that it is more of a privilege than a right, though I emphasized both perspectives. My analogy was that we would normally say freedom is a right, but if you murder someone, then you go to jail, hence your freedom is taken away, therefore freedom is also more of a privilege since it is something that can be taken. The same way that if healthcare is a right and a person abuses that by smoking, drinking, drugs, should their right be taken away?
This guy probably should have it taken away
Next was if you ever had a problem with a professor, and I said some shit about one class where the professor didn’t know the material well and there was a gap between what we were learning and what was applicable in the real world.
Then there was an ethics question about seeing someone cheating on a test, which I responded that I would talk to the person I saw cheating first, then if I thought they had a legitimate reason for why they were doing what I would consider cheating, then I would let it go but keep an eye out. Then the “bad cop” asked what if someone asked you to sign them in for a residency shift, which I responded that I would definitely not do that since other people are depending on that person to be there for his shift.
The last question (that I remember) is to describe a difficult time in your life and how you dealt with it. I described my first few weeks in Korea since that brought up both my international experience as well as my new appreciation for being a minority, being in a foreign country, how I can adapt to a foreign situation, etc. We go around the table and I’m kinda listening, but this one guy had a rambling story about his life, and then he says “I had to choose between becoming a doctor and my family, and I decided to pursue my dream.” He said that his fiancé did not want him to become a doctor since it would probably mean that they would not be able to see each other for a large amount of time, which is a reasonable response if you are about to be married. He ended his blurb with “we have separated since then.”
And I’m yelling in my mind, “WTF?????? You gave up your fiancé for a career?????” I wanted to ask him, how can anyone give up family for a career, but I decided not to since that would expose my dick-itry to the interviewers. That man either has dedication to becoming a doctor that I do not possess, or a cold heart to ignore his fiancé’s wishes. Regardless, I don’t think that he is getting in.
No idea if this is legitimate. Small y-axis though.
So now I play the waiting game. They said 30 days, but it’ll be 30 days from when my D.O. letter gets in, which I don’t think it has yet. Never been so nervous to receive news about something. If I don’t get in there, I will apply to their Florida campus probably, and then sign up for my next MCAT simultaneously. How depressing a thought that is…. One whole year of waiting, having to reapply again to everything…..
This picture is pretty accurate of how I feel about that.
Other news with my life is that I’m incredibly sick of Pittsburgh and bioengineering and eagerly awaiting to get the fuck out of here. It definitely feels like I’m just waiting around to receive a paper saying I did some shit for four years that makes ejumacated enough to have a B.S. (I think it stands for Bull Shit) degree.
2 and a half more months until I can leave, permanently, from Pittsburgh. I will be leaving behind a city a do not care about, a major that I will not use, and a whole heap of memories and bad decisions that I won’t be reminded about as frequently without the visual cues everywhere.
I will miss the people here, definitely, and this is the last few months that we will all be together in the same area. That is a depressing thought; the day I say good bye to all the great friends I made here. I’m sure I will see a few of them (and some I would rather never see again (I’m not talking about friends though (you know what I mean (I hope)))) after college has been over, but definitely not as frequently. That’s life I guess, moving on to other cities and careers, but it still makes me a sad, almost enough to put a sad emoticon (almost).
I’m ready for my next adventure, but damn it if school is getting in the way.
P.S. Suggestions for posts are always welcome. I find myself with an unnatural amount of time on my hands and there are only so many video games I can play before my head hurts (with joy).
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
You paid for parking.... For me?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Midnight thoughts on my iPod
I'm lying in bed currently, trying to type on an iPod and seriously fucking struggling to get a comfortable position to type and try to lull asleep for Christmas festivities tomorrow. I'm listening to Maybe by Kaskade, a song I picked up on YouTube that has somehow been playing nonstop in my ears sine I found it up. By the time I finish this sentence though, the music has changed to PNAU's Embrace (Remix). Every night before I fall for serious asleep, there's a good hour before I actually fall physically asleep. In this time, my mind wanders, and I'm hoping to capture some of the stupid shit that goes through my head in writing, for kicks and mostly because a have a real hard time calming my buzzing mind for sleep.
The music changes to So Far Away by Kaskade (I'm in a Kaskade heavy playlist and recently found I really like his stuff. Sue me). I pause, trying to gather my thoughts as the singer's voice starts. The lyric " everything I run from staring right back at me" sticks in my mind for some reason.
I shift to my side, the goddamn screen rotates so I get all sorts of messed up.
I stop and wonder WTF I'm doing this for. Reading this would bore the shit out of me, let alone my one lone reader Double D.
I'm just....so tired of feeling like I'm not moving forward with ANYTHING. All aspects of my life: school, health, future plans, friends, this thing we call love. It's all stagnant, just sitting still like a bowl of water that was left outside for far too long, just begging to be hit, knocked over, shot onto space, SOMETHING to break this monotony of school, rejection, application, rejection, test I don't care about, homework that teaches me nothing relevant, living like I'm waiting for someone to tell me that it's finally OK to take that step forward and start your fucking life.
Song changes to 4AM. I pause and contemplate actually posting this for the world to see. What if someone randomly finds my blog? Why do I care? This is really how I feel. Trapped in a cage, and an acceptance to medical school holds the key.
The music stops. End of the playlist. Now I feel empty without the comfort of familiar music distracting a large part of my mind.
1AM now. These 30 minutes have seemed like minute while a raged on my touchscreen about the angst I feel. Close my eyes, deep breath, clear my mind, think of what's happening today.
I start the music again with Wet Sand. Slowing down touchscreen rage. Surprised you would read this far. Even more surprised that I actually posted this.
Wide awake, hoping the night will reveal my future.
I hope I can sleep tonight....
Song ends, post ends, catharsis complete. I feel much better, ready for another day!
----------
Merry Christmas! Cheers to the future, which cannot come soon enough!!!!!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
When X met Y, who both met Z
Lame love triangle right? But what if X is aware that Y is interested in Z, but Y is not aware? Here's a diagram to illustrate with Jessica Alba playing the part of Z:
The person I was talking to was X, and I had no idea what to tell him. That's an uber sticky situation, if you know what I'm saying. If X made a move on Z, KNOWING that Y is interested, isn't he knowingly hurting his BFF? What if X and Z go out? Doesn't X feel guilty? How does Y react if that happens?The alternative would be for X to do nothing, and then watch if Y makes a move on Z. How shitty is that? How does X act when he has to hang out with Y and Z? Does he suck it up for the sake of his friend's happiness?
I couldn't help him. I would have no idea what to do in that situation. Have a board meeting with everyone involved and spell it out?
I think the Wizard of Oz said it best when he said: "As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."
Hope it works out for you X...
Monday, December 6, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Never-Ending Blunder by Koh

Sunday, October 31, 2010
This Addiction





































